Aberdeen Hockey Club

AHC lined up against Grammar 3rds, for the start of the regular season replays and with Asylum ‘Missing In Action’, it was down to ‘Lil Asylum’ to report on the game.

First the history lesson.

Operation Market Garden (September, 1944) was an Allied military operation, fought in the Netherlands and Germany in World War II and turned out to be the largest airborne operation of all time.   The Allied plan was to seize a number of key bridges, thus allowing them to encircle Germany's industrial heartland.

Fast forward 65 years and the game on Saturday was a tight affair for the first 20 minutes, even with a majorly re-jigged defence.  AHC showed good marking and occasional spells of passing. Indeed so tough was the tackling that Budgie (aka Scott, real name Chopper MacDougal) got spoken to for the second week in a row for one of his trademark WWE Raw forearm smashes.

Alas, two goals went in before half-time; one from a short corner and the second from open play when marking got a bit quaggy.  AHC remained buoyant though, as the game was still within grasp.    

Now back to World War 2. 

Initially Operation Market Garden was a success, but at Arnhem, the British 1st Airborne Division encountered far stronger firepower and lacked the support to triumph.  Resistance dissipated and they were eventually overrun. 

For AHC, the second half was much the same.  They continued playing well, but were cruelly punished by four break-away goals as they tried to push forward and get back in the match.  As the final whistle went, 6-0 did not reflect or do justice to the way AHC played.   

So with the Big Mac/ Rooney ‘Man of the Match’ love-interest debate being slightly subdued this week, AHC must now look ahead to a crucial away game against Granite City at Rubislaw.  And AHC can take heart.  They controlled much of the game and an improvement in the overall final score was achieved. 

However being realistic, perhaps hoping to win was maybe a Bridge Too Far…

In 1939, MGM released ‘The Wizard of Oz’, a hit musical based on a children's novel written by L. Frank Baum.  As an Academy Award winning film, it was all rather lovely and in particular, Dorothy’s sad rendition of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ stills tugs at heart strings the world over.  However, here at Asylum we wonder if Dorothy would have been so glib with her colourful song, if she played in midfield for AHC.

And speaking of rainbows, we knew we were not in Kansas anymore but Countesswells to play Gordonian’s C for the first time this season.  It had previously been a BLACK fixture for AHC as they had failed to beat Gordonians so far.  However, with a large, strong determined squad, AHC took to the pitch, determined not to turn YELLOW and flinch from the challenge. 

From the onset, play was vigorous and Gordonians pounded the defence, but to no avail.  AHC hit back and one particular play saw Hooker push the ball skilfully through to Big Schwing, who then slotted the ball past the keeper and into the net.  AHC cheered and Asylum thought someone had switched on a bright spotlight until we realised it was the big WHITE smile on Big Schwing’s face, as he catapulted to second place on the AHC scorer’s leader board.    The goal boosted AHC, while it only served to send Gordonians into a BLACK mood.  Despite the pressure, AHC held on until half time and the two team’s moods could not have been more different; an ORANGE glow emanated from the AHC camp, while Gordonians seemed to be BLUE. 

As the second half got underway, the sky turned GRAY, but this was no RED letter day for AHC.  They used their GRAY matter and thwarted the Gordonians attack time and time again, with Philly in particular, having two stunning saves off of the line.

Midway through the half, a blatant foul, missed/ ignored (delete as necessary!) by the umpires gave Gordonians the equaliser.  AHC were incandescent, RED with rage, but alas the goal stood.  Play got more aggressive and Gordonians whines grew ever more desperate, but AHC held on to the final whistle to claim their first point. 

There was much to be pleased about, including the work rate of the team and the increase in players coming back to mark.  With Big Schwing’s goal, the drought is over.  It is also worth mentioning that the young guns in the team; Hooker, Budgie, Gloves and Oscar (formerly known as Wolverine, formerly known as Liam, formerly known as Brett Star Twinkle) are starting to gel and have a huge impact on the game.   It bodes well for the future.

We have now reached the halfway point in the regular season and next week, AHC faces a return away game at Rubislaw against Grammar 3rds. 

And as for this game?  Well while Dorothy clicks her heels and mutters, ‘There’s no place like home’, AHC left Countesswells, proud and in the PINK, with their heads held high. 

While Gordonians looked decidedly GREEN…

On afternoon TV there is a programme called Countdown. Now according to Countdown’s website, it is a show in which two contestants engage in a battle of wits of lexical dexterity and numerical agility.  And despite running for over 27 years, it has a large and avid audience, split as Asylum suspects into three groups; students skiving off lectures, those over 75 and potential suicides who really have lost the will to live.   So in reviewing this week’s game against Inverurie, we embrace the thrilling world of Countdown.

Asylum will have a consonant.  Another consonant.  A few vowels and off we go.

Games against Inverurie are always grumpy, irritable affairs and this was no exception.  A defensive slip-up in the first 2 minutes gave Inverurie the lead.  However despite the shock, AHC rallied and the game soon became a fervid end-to-end battle, with both defences being stretched to the limit.  As the game progressed, Big Mac was unlucky not to equalise with a PF and play continued.  However, the equilibrium of the game was going to change and this leads us nicely to Dictionary Corner and Asylum’s first word of the day:

Bias (noun); a particular tendency that prevents unprejudiced consideration. 

As the pace and energy of the game increased, so did the tension.  A deluge of mindboggling decisions against AHC (and seemingly against logic too!) did nothing to extinguish the feelings of angst and led to some angry exchanges.    So with a black cloud metaphorically hanging over Hillhead, the first half ended with Inverurie in the lead.   

At halftime, Asylum noticed that Cuddly Col who had adorned the ‘Stink Pads of Doom’, rather than sending every female at Hillhead with a sense of smell running for their lives, was actually drawing friendly banter from the Hazlehead Ladies team.  Bizarre!  But the jovial mood soon turned sour as play got underway once more.

With the second half starting, Asylum’s second word of the day is:

Handi-pandi-itis (noun) ; a little known and progressive illness that leaves the sufferer with the involuntary action of whenever they lose the ball, their arm automatically shoots up in the air and the words ’Oh come on umpire, that was a foul!‘ to burst forth from their lips.  Coupled with an umpire that caves into this badgering, it can have disastrous consequences for the other team.

The barging, griping, moaning and sniping escalated, not helped by more baffling umpiring decisions.  Over the remainder of the half, Inverurie scored another 3, while AHC had another game where the ball still wouldn’t go in the net.  ‘Goal line Clearance of the Week’ goes to Philly for his valiant effort and the final whistle drew the game to a close.

Still the defeat is behind us now and AHC need to refocus on the away game next week against Gordonians C at Countesswells.

And finally, keeping true to Countdown, rearrange these 9 letters to spell today’s Conundrum, which also accurately sums up the level of sportsmanship displayed by Inverurie and the overall quality of the umpiring.

Clue: (noun) an intestinal disorder characterised by abnormal frequency and fluidity of faecal evacuations….

Most weeks, it’s a tough battle for AHC. 

In some games, AHC have encountered tough opposition to then go on and win.  At other times, they have faced overwhelming odds and despite losing, show determination and never give up.  Alas in the game against the University 3rds, AHC showed none of these traits.

The game started with both teams fielding 10 men.  Praying Mantis wandered in halfway through the first half and his repeated tardy time-keeping makes Asylum believe that he is slowly metamorphosing into a snail!  Now without regurgitating the worst bits, it was a miserable day and a miserable game.  Play was dire and AHC were frustrated with their performance, as the first half finished deadlocked. 

Unhappy with the state of the game, Come Here No 4 decided to make one of his positive, awe inspiring rallies.  On reflection, it reminded Asylum of the stirring speech that Lord Cardigan gave to the British cavalry on 25^th October 1854, prior to the Battle of Balaclava.  Although afterwards, the entire Light Brigade were wiped out, historians believe that things could have gone a lot worse if not for Cardigan’s stirring words.  And it was much the same for AHC.  Down, desolate and in despair, the team looked to their former captain for words to uplift, motivate and energise.  Number 4 stepped up to the challenge and groaned, ‘You're all rubbish and you don’t deserve to be at the bottom of division 2, far less division 1!’ 

With those words ringing in their ears, AHC returned to the game just in time for the Heavens to open.  Cold, wet and depressed, AHC seemed to dominate the midfield, but couldn’t capitalise and unfortunately, it was Uni who then scored, taking advantage of a lapse in the defence’s concentration.  ‘Desperate clearance off the goal line’ award this week must go to Rooney for his impressive halfway line dash, but for all their strength in midfield, AHC just couldn’t seem to find the back board and the game ended with a defeat. 

Being positive, Uni left with a smile on their faces, but alas the same can’t be said for AHC.  Next week it’s a jaunt up to Kinloss for a very tough match against Quasar.

But be of good cheer.  For that which does not kill us, merely postpones the inevitable...

And so this week it was off to Ellon…

When Asylum was little, we fondly remember sitting on our mother’s knee while she gave us her advice for living a successful life.  The sort of advice that only mothers can give.  Things like if we ate all our carrots, we would be able to see in the dark.  Or if we put on clean underwear everyday, we would never get run over by a bus.  And if our head ever caught fire, to avoid looking in a mirror because it might cause us to get upset.  But the most valuable advice of all was, never ever let the opposition score 4 goals against you in the first ten minutes of a game. 

Alas AHC seemed to forget that advice and for a little while, every ball that Ellon fired at the AHC goal seemed to hit the backboard. 

Trailing by 4 goals, the game looked done, dusted and over...  except AHC refused to give up.

With a super improving midfield: Womble, Big Schwing, Rooney, Budgie and Hooker (this refers to hooking opponent’s sticks, rather than casting any aspersions on dubious activities to earn money) were joined this week by AHC newcomers; Matt Gloves and Wolverine Liam and the team as a whole went into attack mode!

Womble celebrated his return with a stunning three-goal tally, putting him clear at the top of the AHC Scorer’s leader board.  Is this an early indication that Womble will be AHC’s top scorer this season?  Is this early warning that he wants his Goals crown back from Rooney?  Why are we asking you?  But back to the game…

The fourth goal was scored by our very own modest Big Schwing.  In a brief post-match interview, he coyly stated, ‘With a superb pass from the new guy Wolverine, I dribbled around 47 Ellon players and took the ball into the D.  The keeper ran at me, attempting to knock me off my feet, so I pushed the ball onto my back stick flicked the ball casually over the keeper’s head, before sprinting around him to send an absolute screamer into the back of the net.   It is without doubt, the finest goal I have scored this season!’ 

Now in Asylum’s view, it may or may not quite have happened like that, but it was an outstanding goal nonetheless.

The game ran on, with some extremely close shots around the Ellon goal and equally heroic saves off the AHC goal line.  As the pressure mounted on Ellon, their complaints and whining at the umpires increased and reached such a cacophony of woe that it became difficult to hear the whistle.  In the end though, AHC left just a little too much to do and time ran out before an equaliser was scored.  

It was another close game and the midfield again did much to impress.  Particular praise should be aimed at the new players who are making their mark amongst the AHC ranks and looking ahead, home advantage may give the rematch a very different outcome. 

And AHC have now scored in three consecutive league games.

Next week it’s off to Countesswells for an away game against the Division 1 champions.  But a final thought on the game just passed.  Asylum noticed that an anagram of Ellon Hockey is Looney Heckle.  Enough said really…

Week 2 saw AHC return to Rubislaw for a match against GCW; always a tough but immensely satisfying fixture regardless of the final score.

This week, the game reminded Asylum of a balloon.    

First invented in 1824 by Professor Michael Faraday, for the first 60 minutes of the game, AHC were bright, full of energy and flying high.

AHC scored first, which acted as a precursor for frantic end-to-end play.  With Lambie popping over from Florida to help out, Rooney back in midfield and Nick Nick playing for the first time in a couple of seasons, the defence, midfield and attack fought hard to keep AHC in front.  And special mention must go to Pedro for his two spectacular flicks from the edge of the D that went over the crossbar by millimetres.  Despite Granite City scoring, AHC held on to a 3–2 lead and it looked as though AHC would notch up their first win of the season.

But alas, like a balloon, AHC began to deflate in the last 10 minutes.  First an own goal evened the score and then an absolutely senseless tackle in the D gave Granite City a PF, which was slotted away to finally put the game out of reach.  

Thank you to Cuddly Col for umpiring and although the team was disappointed at the final score, on the plus side it was a strong performance, with the midfield in particular, showing great confidence in passing the ball.

Also Asylum noticed that towards the end of the game, AHC had their biggest crowd in the last 11 years.  Eight Hazlehead Ladies, who were waiting for their own game to start, cheered on AHC and their support was greatly appreciated.

And don't forget, AHC have still scored in every league game this season!

So in two weeks time, AHC will travel to an away game at Ellon.  But this week, Asylum's final words come from Winnie the Pooh, who quite rightly said,

‘Nobody can be uncheered by a balloon…’

With summer now officially over, Asylum returns keener, leaner and greener. 

That’s right folks, here at Asylum we believe in doing our bit for the environment; recycling all our old jokes from last season!

Now onto the glorious autumn day that heralded the start of AHC’s 2009-2010 campaign.  Alas a handful of AHC’s regular stalwarts were unavailable, so there was considerable bulk missing from the defence.  The situation was further compounded by having no subs and the 11th player, Fergus the Slug, strolling in after the whistle, thus missing the warm-up, pre-match briefing and the start of the game.  Not a good start. 

There was a faint hope amongst the team that the increasingly debilitating smell of Arnie Schwarzenpostie’s goalie pads might induce eye irritation, seizures and inevitable paralysis amongst the Grammar attack.   Unfortunately, the wind was blowing in the wrong direction and it looked as though Grammar had removed their olfactory receptor nerves prior to the game (no sense of smell!), so Arnie’s mortiferous smog had little effect in stopping Grammar from knocking in 1 or 4 lucky goals by half time. 

Now hands up who recalls last season’s second half tradition? Remember how AHC would sportingly let the opposition score 5 or 6 goals in the opening minutes of the second half to give them a chance?

Well not this game.  AHC started the second half on fire!

The Grammar defence was pounded, until a Big Schwing pass resulted in a thundering goal from AHC’s newest player Budgie Harper!  A second goal soon followed, but was disallowed courtesy of the new ‘Self-hit-but-don’t-shell-the-ball-into-the-D-if-you-are-within-the-25’ rule.   Play oscillated, until AHC sort of faded away and Grammar finished AHC off.  

However, big thanks to Come Here Number 4 and the Phantom Dribbler for umpiring a half each and keeping order in an energetic game.  And this season, Asylum will try and be much less cynical than before, so let’s forget about the final score.  Instead, what can AHC be pleased about? 

Well first off, although young and inexperienced, the midfield played extremely well and in particular: Jimbo, Lo-Cal, Budgie, Paddy the Giraffe (and the not so young) Big Scwing , who all drove deep into the Grammar half, time and time again.  If they keep developing and progressing together, it won’t be long until they are carving their way through the defences of Division 1. 

And let’s not forget - AHC have scored in every league game this season!

Next week AHC travel to Rubislaw for a home game against GCW.  Asylum would suggest that if you are playing in defence or midfield, then maybe a clothes peg for your nose might be a sensible precaution…

Here at Asylum,  not a lot leaves us speechless.  However, the following clip comes pretty close!  

Like an explosion in a glitter factory, our own Praying Mantis (camp tramp and lottery game-show winner extraordinaire) burst onto the Edinburgh Festival, making a more flamboyant entrance than Widow Twanky at HMT in December!

Click here to see the action